If I accidentally bumped into someone I was told to "Say, you're Sorry".
If I was mean to someone, I was told to call them and "tell them you're sorry".
Apologies are a great way to "Cover ourselves", a nice band aid to fix a problem that we have gotten ourselves into.
Saying "I'm sorry" can also be the only way we can think of to help someone we care about get through a tough time. Sometimes, it's really the only thing you can say.
And saying "I'm sorry" is a wonderful way to show our vulnerable side and mend broken relationships. There's something humbling about saying "I'm sorry I hurt you" or "I'm sorry I said that". To me, relationships grow stronger after you apologize.
But the lines blur between saying "sorry" for what you've done and being"sorry" for who you are. That's where I have trouble.
It's true.... I say "I'm sorry" a lot. A whole lot.
My friends are always telling me "Stop saying you're sorry. You didn't do anything". When I am talking with someone and I tend to ramble off as I normally do, I often think afterwards 'oh, you'd better apologize, you may have said something wrong'. I apologize so often...I sometimes think they should put on my tombstone: "Here lies Lee Ann, she was sorry".
So what gives? Why am I constantly apologizing, fearing that I have done something wrong? The absolute truth is...I don't really know. Sorry.
This has been a great week for me to do some self-searching about sorrows.
After walking 10 miles on Saturday, I've barely done anything else the rest of the week except for cleaning my house, a Zumba class and working...and yet, as I type this, I'm almost wanting to apologize for not doing more.
But, I am getting better.
Our Life Coach/Trainer Chris has often told me to "stop apologizing" to which I would apologize all over again. He's been very helpful at getting us all to see ourselves as having great potential to do amazing things. You can learn more about his business at www.strongwithin.com . I can't speak for the others but I can say that the idea that I can do amazing things is kind of hard for me to fathom. But it's true...each of us do have the potential to do amazing things we just have to believe we can do it.
Coach Missy has certainly helped me see my potential. I don't know of anyone who is more positive than her. She doesn't let any set back keep her from enjoying life to the fullest. We all should have that kind of attitude.
Each of my team mates on the Covenant Health Biggest Winner team has kept me positive. When I have a bad day, they're among the first ones I text or email. We lift each other up and in turn, we keep each other going. In fact, except for the few times I've walked into one of them on our walks, I don't think I have ever apologized to any of them. Have I talked enough about how much I value each and every one on this team?
A few weeks ago a good and loyal friend pointed out some things to me that I tend to do now that I never did before (we go way back). She pointed out that the friend she once knew didn't really care what people thought and didn't worry about things because she believed in herself. It was like a light switch that was flipped on in my head. There was a time when I didn't doubt any of my talents/skills. I understood my limitations as just a part of life and not a set back in life. I had beaten myself up for so long that I had forgotten that I once believed that I could do anything and God help anyone who tried to stop me. Reminding me of how I used to believe in myself was just what I needed once again.
This is when I stopped apologizing..or at least cut back. I am not sorry if someone is upset or has a problem with me. That's their problem and I can't fix their problems. I am not sorry that I haven't done more exercising this week. I walked 10 freakin' miles, that's a lot. I'm not sorry if I spoke my mind to someone. It was my right to say what I think.
To me, the only two opinions that matter to me are how God sees me and how I see myself. When I pray at night, I ask God to forgive me. I know He does and since He does, well..that's the end of the story, I can forgive myself too and move on.
“I only answer to two people, myself and God." -Cher
That has given me a new resolve to only apologize for things I truly am sorry about and not worry about the things I have no control over. I will tell you it's liberating to give yourself a break in life.
If you don't agree, I'm Sor..uh, well you know the rest.
Awesome post. You are so amazing... and sometimes we can't see the whole picture of who we are because we are so close to the situation. But when we can step back and see the whole picture of our life, I know you will say damn I did all that? wow!
ReplyDeleteoOu never have to appologize for living. There is something I try to remind myself: is that when I am thinking I was a mistake or that I am messing up I am spitting in God's face saying he didn't know what he was doing when He created me.
God knew exactly what he was doing when he created you Lee Ann and this world is a much better place having you in it. SO thank you for reminding me about all the great things life has to offer. You are a wonderful person, great sense of humor, and you have so many gifts and talents to share with the world. Thank you for being you and loving yourself. You deserve a break from the negative thoughts... now lets go party and have fun in this chapter called our amazing life.
You are reaching more people than you will ever know and it is so awesome to see how strong you are becoming... as you remember that child like mind of nothing will stop me if I set my mind to it.... because as it was before, it still is now-EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
My favorite line in your blog, which sums it all up is, "I will tell you it's liberating to give yourself a break in life." And to that, my friend, I'll issue and Amen!
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